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Jam Up

Updated: Dec 2, 2020

Jam Up -

By The Tallahassee Squirrel

(Words Of Wisdom From A 'Motherpucking' Hustler)

I played "Jam Up" as they say, pool players that know the game at least. Yeah man, I can bank em in, combo them, run out, make all the shots, put that "rock" wherever I want it -- gliding on a string, make the balls sing! Break like Babe Ruth knocked them out of the park!

And then I get lucky too when I'm on. Why? More opportunities to get lucky when you aren't missing much of anything, making the game look as easy as breathing air, a walk in the razzmatazz, razzle-dazzle park.

Yeah man, from the "hot seat" -- straight through the winner's side -- waiting on the winner of the "loser's side" -- a place where I have won from on numerous occasions -- I said on the final "best of 3," that "now would be a good time to make the 9," on the first rack of what would be the final rack, and made it -- meaning best two out of three games, begging with a 9 ball game, then a "short 8" rack (The short rack in eight ball is where you have the eight with 4 solid balls, and four striped in the 9 ball rack, eight in the 9 position.) -- then another game of 9 if need be in a race to 2 game tournament in time, contained forever in the victory annuals of my mind, rewind it back, "play it again Sam!" Another "notch" on the butt of my pool cue. Game official. Yeah man, been a long time coming too.

Many years on the table to achieve that, unless you go to and kick start your game, but you probably don't want to do that, so grind my friends! Oh Yes! And there are a lot of exclamation marks here because my game is exciting! And I wear a pool glove, baby blue accented with a black core to set off the repertoire. Then, I have the $325 base, rock bottom bargain deal for the custom Jacoby ( )green playing cue, radial pin, 18.9 oz with Tiger layered tip, no wrap, and "Jacoby" calligraphed into the body of the cue closest to the shaft, hard, maple -- solid as rock; I can draw that cue ball the length of the table with that. Any jam-up player can do the same, with the greatest of ease. And I got the red, Jacoby break cue, with the "Hammerhead," Chris Renfro tip?! And the JB custom ( ), bright orange case "with the fur!"? What!?? Well, perhaps not the fur, but the "orange crush," case as I call it? Another plateau. About a thousand dollar billiards rig in all, call to fall, all balls fall -- "balls to the wall." ( )

Yeah man, even missing more shots than I should, playing about 50 percent of my game, so they never even saw the full power of a "Death Star."

"The force is strong in this one." -- Yoda.

I've even beaten 2-3 pros, having played only a handful in my billiards life, but given the right circumstances, and a little luck, man! They better not miss! I rarely do! Even half my game, I knew I could win this contest! Why? When you know you gonna "rob" the tournament, you just know, you "play the game like no one has ever played the game before." -- "Fast" Eddie Felson, 'The Hustler.' -- ( )

Also, I must say again, I had a little luck, but made the shots I needed to make when I needed to make them -- doing just enough to beat each player I faced barely sometimes; like I said, I did have a little luck at fifty percent power like that, but then, I also just recently skimmed 'The Inner Game Of tennis,' a book that when you substitute "pool" for "tennis," then you have the best book for billiards on the mental game ever! But you probably don't have the sense to read it; get on my level! I'm trying to tell you! Learn the game from "MR JAM UP!" (all caps). -- ( )

Level up!

And I hadn't played the game in over 6 weeks!

I'm one of the "fastest gunslingers" 'round these here "parts." I've achieved a level few attain, ever. Yeah, they might beat me, but they better be champions, "world beaters," and/or pros!

Heck, I would have doubled up on the $70 I won for the tournament possibly if this guy we will call "Mike" had come out to play a race to 7 nine ball set with me, but he wasn't in range of the place, and my "girl" wouldn't have allowed me to tarry any longer. I told her, "You keep the money! I just want the glory! I want to play!" Lmao. And I came with it, turned it on right when I needed it. Let the throttle out just enough to take every match, embattled from the torrent of balls that pummeled the stone fortress that is my game: The Bastille. I'm hyping it up, sure, but at the same time, a spade is a dang spade! I won the tournament, won hundreds of smaller tournaments such as this, some with a few champions in the mix. Yeah man, I come to play! Didn't I say that before? I digress.

Even as good as I play, players like me know there are many "layers to the onion," and many levels or strata above me, and below me, but I know my place in the pecking order, and when I know I'm probably going to win, I usually win. That's the way the balls roll for a pool "gangsta."

I'm not the best the game has ever seen, but I'm maybe the best you've personally seen. Lmao. Oh "shiznits," as Snoop Dogg may say with his lyricism. ( )

I may well be the modern day "Mark Twain," in the game as well! I don't play! Oh wait! Yes, I do!

And I thumb write this on my phone? No need of a laptop? Just this less-than-twenty-dollar-sale phone?!! I got skills for "dayz" you billiards aficionados! Maybe I could go pro even "Steven!"

I add to this tired game! Oh, now I've gone too far. All respect to the game eternal!

"Play on, play dat!" -- 'No Diggity'.

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